The Mirror of Self-Reflection

In this episode, I get real about what it means to reflect on who we are. From hearing my own voice to admiring features of myself I never noticed, I talk about how self-criticism can hold us back from appreciating our own growth. I share how giving myself grace and embracing my progress is a vital part of personal development. Tune in as I challenge myself—and hopefully you—to be kinder to ourselves and celebrate the small victories. 

Transcript

Hi there. Welcome to Wander Off Course. I'm your host, Eli Hartman. I don't know about y'all's brains, but mine tends to have a mind of its own sometimes and doesn't stay on one course, one path. My thoughts like to hop around here, there, and everywhere. And I'm pretty sure that's not just me who experiences that. 

So, I want to create this outlet. I need an outlet. I'm sure other people need an outlet. And who the heck isn't curious about what goes on in other people's minds, right? We're not mind readers. We can't know what somebody else is thinking unless they tell us, and how cool would it be to just be able to get inside of somebody else's head and hear what other people think, what other thoughts are going on that people experience and have? So welcome to this podcast, which is me...talking about my thoughts, whatever they may be—big, small, deep—pretty much anything that goes on in my head or that's going on in the world that I have thoughts about. 

It's going to be a crazy ride because my thoughts can get a little crazy sometimes. And there's good and there's bad, and that's just being human. We are human. I'm human just like you and just like that person next to you and that other person going about their day, like the rest of us. So, Wander Off Course: a podcast where there is no set topic or track. 

This is just thoughts...which is really weird for me, even doing a podcast, because I don't necessarily like the sound of my own voice. I don't know if anybody else out there likes the sound of their own voice. Maybe there are people that do. I think there has to be. But it's really weird. And do y'all ever experience that? 

Where, as you're talking, you hear yourself, and it sounds one way. But if you were to record it and play that audio back, you don't sound anything like you thought. It's really trippy. So this is the stage where I'm kind of at right now. I've been testing out microphones and talking, listening, playing it back, hearing myself, and it is just a very strange experience. Because I don't think I sound like how I thought I sounded like. I wonder, what's more accurate: what our ears hear as we're speaking, or what we hear when an audio is played back of our own voice? What do you guys think? Think about that. Do you ever experience that same trippy reaction? 

It's kind of like looking in the mirror. And before we look in the mirror, we have this image of ourselves in our minds of how we look. We look this certain way. We look this certain age. We have these lines or those lines or our eyes are this color. Our hair is doing this thing. But we don't really actually know. And then we look in the mirror, and you take a really good hard look in the mirror at yourself and you don't look anything like you imagined. 

Maybe you look older. Maybe you look younger. Maybe your eyes look sad when, in your mind, you had pictured your eyes looking a little happier. Or maybe vice versa. Maybe your eyes are sparkling, and you didn't expect that. So often I'm in and out of the bathroom, or we have a mirror hanging up in our living room, and I pass by it and I glance, but I don't really look. 

I don't really look at myself in the mirror. It's a conscientious effort when I do, and so I miss a lot of things in passing until I get to this moment where I conscientiously choose to take a look at myself in the mirror. More than just what I'm wearing—checking out an outfit, making sure I look appropriate or look the way I want to before going out for an evening, but actually choose to look at my face and take it in—take in how my body looks, my muscles, or lack thereof, if I'm being honest—and it's really strange, and it almost makes me sad that I don't take the time to stop and really look at myself in the mirror more often. Because a lot of times, I'm really surprised. 

You know, my partner asked me not too long ago—and she asks me this every so often—what is something that you admire about yourself? And we were standing in the bathroom together, taking a look in the mirror, just brushing our teeth before bed, and she asked me this. She said, “What is something that you admire about yourself?” 

Really look at yourself in the mirror, and what are some things that you admire? So I paused. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I realized that I have these smile lines that I really like, that I find attractive on myself. And some people might call them smoker's lines or anything else. I used to smoke cigarettes, I currently vape, but a lot of times these lines are caused by that. So, they're not just known as smile lines, but they're known as smoker lines. But I view them as smile lines because I notice them so much more when I genuinely smile. And for whatever reason, it was probably the first time I ever really noticed them and found them admirable—like, attractive—in myself. And that was really cool. That was a really neat thing to get to experience.  

I love getting to be surprised by myself, by features that I have that I didn't think I had or know that I have. Muscle that's building subconsciously. I've always worked, for the most part, pretty physical, labor-intensive jobs. Then I went through a stint where I worked from home, and then a stint where I was unemployed a little bit, and I wasn't taking care of my physical fitness. When I started working a physical job again, I started to build some of that muscle back. And stopping and taking that second to look in the mirror, I see some of that, and it's like, “Ooh, alright. Alright, buddy. Cool. Look at those muscles coming back. Those look pretty good.” It's just awesome when we get to stop and conscientiously take that moment to look at ourselves and find something attractive within us. 

Whether that's physically, mentally, emotionally, or personality-wise. I don't think we, as human beings, I would dare say a large percentage of the population, stop and admire things about ourselves. It's really, really easy to be hard on ourselves. Assuming y'all are like me, I'm really hard on myself. I am not very good, currently, at complimenting myself and thinking nice things, saying nice things to myself. I tend to beat myself down. I'm my own worst critic. I'm really hard on myself with my physical looks, with how I put words together in a conversation, how I act sometimes, and when I hurt somebody else, unintentionally. I beat myself down for that, and it's something that I'm working on, trying to get better at—is being kinder to myself. Because how can we expect to be kind to others if we can't even be kind to ourselves? And if we're going to be able to lift other people up and compliment other people, we need to be able to do that to ourselves. 

Being your own worst critic isn't always a bad thing because it gives us a drive to be better, but we also simultaneously have to be our own best cheerleader as well. Because we can't rely on other people to always see the good in what we do or to always lift us up. It's nice when people do that, but we can't and shouldn't count on people to be that for us. 

We have to be that cheerleader for ourselves. We have to take that moment to look in the mirror and say, “Dang, good job. You are doing it.” Look yourself really in the mirror, have a conversation with yourself. Look eye to eye, as weird as that sounds, in the mirror and compliment yourself. "Good job on doing those push-ups today.” “Those muscles are really coming along. They look good.” “You're putting in that effort, and it's starting to show.” Or “You really conducted yourself in this way that I'm proud of at work today.” You know, just so many things. We got to be our own best cheerleader, too. And it's always going to be a work in progress. 

For me, naturally, I am hard on myself. Tough love on myself, if you will. And I'm constantly trying to figure out better ways to be, better ways to grow, to uplift myself and others, and to be a better person. And it is a slow process, y'all. I wanna snap my fingers and just make those changes right away. 

Boom. Poof. Magic. I'm a better person. I'm physically fit. I don't smoke. I have so many of these things. I'm kinder to myself. I think only positive things. But that's not the reality of it. Y'all, that's not reality. Change is not always rapid. A lot of healthy changes, especially with how we treat ourselves, are caused by... is really slow. We have these habits, these natural instincts or ways of thinking, or acting, or speaking, even, that we gravitate toward. And it takes true effort—true mindful effort—to be able to change those. And so that's a process that I'm working on, and working at getting better at, every day. Catching myself when I'm doing these negative things that I don't like. And even if I've said this thought in my head of, like, “Oh man, you're an idiot,” I hear it, but then I get to stop myself and say, “No, no, no, no, no. Rewind that. You're not an idiot. You maybe didn't think this thing through, and you should have thought before you acted, but that doesn't make you an idiot. That makes you human.” 

And if you come across this situation again, or when you do, because a lot of times we tend to repeat the same mistakes, what are you going to do to make it better? Challenge yourself in that.  

I'm trying to challenge myself in that—how can I handle certain things better the next time? And when I do something that I'm not proud of or that I don't like, I don't like how I talk to myself. I get to stop it. I get to rewind that tape and say, “ no, that's not how I wanted that to be. Let's refresh. You are doing it. You're doing the dang thing.” As my partner and I like to tell each other and encourage each other with, “you're doing the dang thing”. You might not be doing it the best you can be right now, but you're doing it. You're learning from it and you're going to do it even better tomorrow. You're going to be nicer to yourself tomorrow.  

And so, I just want to leave you all with this today. Give yourself a little bit of grace. Take that hard, deep look at yourself in the mirror. That conscientious look. And comment something about yourself that you find attractive. 

What did you find attractive about yourself today? And let me know. Share it with others so we can all work together and encourage each other to make these changes and better ourselves and the world around us. Thank you for listening to Wander Off Course. This is a crazy first episode, but I'm glad you came and joined me in this journey. It's gonna be interesting and we'll see where this goes. Thank you for listening. Y'all go out there and have a blessed day.